I remember in high school a teacher placed a paper on all of the students desks one day and asked us to fill it out for the first 30 minutes of class. She wanted us to really think about our answers and to be sure of them before we wrote them down. I remember flipping over the page and reading the heading.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS?
I thought, “This is going to be easy.”
I sat there and racked my brain. 20 minutes went by and my paper was still empty, blank, white…nothing.
I can’t remember what I ended up writing down, but I do remember filling it out with some bogus words just to get it over with.
To this day that piece of paper has haunted me. In a way, like everything in life, this is a bittersweet thing. I think about that paper when I go to job interviews, I thought about it when I signed up for college (my second time around), I think about it when I plan for the future. Its somewhat of a motivation to think about what I would like to write on that piece of paper when the day is rough and I feel like giving up.
Yet, this paper has also influenced me negatively. Sometimes I feel like I am rushing through life. Like I have been missing out on actually being happy and in the moment, because the next time someone hands me a paper like that I want to be prepared.
I don’t think my teacher had any idea that this small scrap of tree would impact me so greatly. Or maybe that was the point.
For the longest time I had no idea what it is I wanted to do with my life. As badly as I wanted to give an answer, I couldn’t. Time hasn’t changed much. I have gotten certificates and licences, I’ve gone to school and worked in a variety of fields. I am even currently on Medical career path. I’ve made a family, I’ve gotten married, I live a good life.
But most days I still wake up feeling unfulfilled. Not because I’m unhappy. I feel like with age I still haven’t figured myself out. Its almost like a dark cloud hanging over my head, pressuring me daily to finally feel that “Aha!” moment.
Who am I? What do I want? Where am I going with my life?
I have so many ideas for myself: I want to sell my artwork, I want to be a tattoo artist, I want to design something or other, I want to continue my medical career, I want to be one of those cute DIY everything moms, I want to be a sexy, “always makes her man feel attracted to her” wives that has a ton of other mom friends that actually like to hang out with me, I still want to be young and energetic about life, fit and active, I still want to travel, and so much more.
But why is it that I can’t seem to figure out how to make this all work? Where in the world is my “Aha!”? What the heck am I missing?
So I guess what this is all leading to is this………
I need to figure this out for myself, no one else will do it for me. I’m not sure what it is that I need, nor what it is that will stir the “living life to the fullest” moment inside of me but I am determined to figure this out.
Be it snorting a line of wasabi (totally using this to emphasize my point..not something I want to try), to painting a car, to helping a stranger, to checking things off my bucket list, to something as simple as learning a new recipe or biting my tongue when I want to blurt something out, to traveling somewhere new, finding something to do in my own home, or being brave enough to blog about my life…
I am inviting new beginnings to my life, I am tired of having no answer to write down. I want to feel like I’m living in the moment and I want to be happy everyday. No one can do this for me BUT ME.
I am ready to make life interesting and I will post everything here…the good the bad and the ugly. But every last bit of it will be the truth. Thoughts, emotions, experiences, opinions, trials and errors, dreams and failures. And hopefully along the way anyone who reads this will come to understand that life is what you make it, no matter how corny that sounds.
Here’s to hoping that this year I too will understand LIFE IS WHAT I MAKE OF IT!